I can't watch pbs sober anymore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
