Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
