Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
