I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
