What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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