Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
