Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
