My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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