I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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