kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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