Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
