im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need to calm my uterus...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
