im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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