I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
