You can't motorboat a personality
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
