well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
