best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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