man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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