the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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