So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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