he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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