please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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