I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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