She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
