Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize