so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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