Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
