i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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