i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
