i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
