Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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