Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
