Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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