..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
