And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
