My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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