I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
