You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
