Your dad touched me again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
