i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
