your thong is hanging out like whoa
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
