She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
a search helicopter?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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