you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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