Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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