It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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