if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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