You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
