i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well most of my day revolves around power hour
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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