Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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