i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
