there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
