I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
