I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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