is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I didn't notice because vodka
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
