The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
