i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
