best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
