she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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