hell yes lets make some ravioli
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
