You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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