oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
