I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think people are normalizing furries
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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