Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
