please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
