the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
