Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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