remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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