Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
