my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
