i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
