the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
