38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize