there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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