I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
