Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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