Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
